Feelings

I got up this morning to head to the studio to do my yoga practice but I was reminded of the fact that I only have a Nanny 3 days a week now (a story for another day) and Elijah will start school today (a related story for the same day). I knew Darin would be swamped trying to get both boys ready in time so I decided to practice at home.
So I don't if it was the practicing at home that made me lazier than usual but my practice felt really hard today. All my movements felt slow and heavy and I was out of breath already on my 3rd sun A. It felt like I was moving a huge lump to try and do anything. Also, the weather is changing so it's feeling really hot and the first sign for me is that I get really dry feet (granted I'm way overdue on my pedicure) and they also felt really huge and swollen. I am almost 24 weeks pregnant so I guess this is when I really start to feel the difference in my body but boy does it make practicing that much harder.

Day 2

I can't flake out on the second day already, even though I came quite close. I'm blogging from my phone so there really is no excuse. Man, 30 days is a long time...

My Nanny was sick this week and came back to work today looking a little worse for wear: pale, cold sores and a weird look in her eyes like she was overmedicated. I wanted to send her home but she said she was fine. But there was no way I was leaving Elijah with her. I spoke to her about what was going on, and she was open with me about going for all the necessary tests and that they were all negative. I told her that I was worried and that I felt she was not looking after herself and that may be this job was too stressful on her health...
In the past 5 years I must have been through about 7 nannies or more. I am very fussy and we live in a tiny 3 - bedroom flat and I can't stand people in my space for too long. I have really tried with the last 3 though and I thought I might have this one for a long time.
The reality is that I'll have 3 kids soon and I need a Nanny that's good at her job and is in 100% health, I can't have someone like this around my children and her and Elijah are in close proximity of each other all day everyday. It is so hard to find good help. Well, for me it is and it makes me super stressed. We are house hunting at the moment which means are expenses are about to increase and life is about to get that much more difficult. I am finally starting to feel a part of the family business and I am trying to give it my all but my kids will always come first and when things like this happen I know my number 1 priority to be home with them. But I still need to work, I can't stay home and get paid but I can't be at work and worry about my children all day.
So, I've decided to send Elijah to Noah's  school from Tuesday, 3 times a week, until the end of the year for my own piece of mind. I know it's going to take some big adjustment from his side, just today, he bawled buckets of tears when I left him with Noah's class so I could talk to the school secretary - I wonder what it will be like when I leave. But at least I know he will be safe and if need be Noah can pop in to say hi from his classroom.
Let's see how this pans out...

All I want is a (mom) blog

You'll see from my intermittent posts that I've been wanting (trying!) to blog for years. I always had a way with words but I lost my flow over time and children... my brain is not what it used to be. I feel like a blog would be a great outlet for me, I feel like people would want to read what I have to say but that also makes me quite fearful at the same time. 
I want to blog about everything that makes me happy in life: my kids, my husband, my yoga, clothes, coffee, cooking... the intention is there, the follow through, not so much.I always have such great ideas but putting them into action is always where it stops for me. That must be fear, right? I'm so scared that what I write will be lame but I have to start and just keep going. 
I know I set out to do a 30 day mysore challenge a little while back which I was supposed to blog about. I subsequently did do it, and lasted 20 days which surprised even me but it was a few months down the line and I didn't jot a single word about it. 
I dont want to say it out loud but I just want to blog, every day, for 30 days. Just try and write something. Every day. And see where we go.

Hey look, day 1 is already done.